How to Hack Relationships: 3 Ways Physical Touch Helps

It is astonishing how little one feels alone when
one loves. – John Bulwer Everyone says moving in with a significant other is
difficult, but the first week of my life playing house
was more difficult and emotionally challenging than I
ever expected. When my husband and I returned from our
honeymoon, we moved in together for the first time
and a newfound silence fell upon our apartment. All this new time we were spending together in our
new home was mired with a kind of white noise, one
I was always aware of and always wanted to replace
with joyful conversation and love. The silence made me feel alone, and — worst of
all — it made me feel scared for the years to
come. I grew up in a loud and overly affectionate family.
Hugs, jokes, and conversation bounced around the
house in a constant state of interaction. The house
was always full of banter and togetherness. My
husband, on the other hand, grew up in a family that
is loving in a different way, quiet and respectful of each other's space. Silence and independence felt natural to him, but
(after years of dates, movie nights, and dinners) I
had never sat in a room with him in such silence. I remember looking over at him and wondering why
he wasn't speaking to me or if it meant that things
between us had changed. I even remembering crying
to my mother, telling her just how much I missed her
and the rest of my family. Little did I know that all I had to do to feel better was
hold his hand. Getting through that adjustment period took work and immense understanding. One year later,
my marriage has been incredibly refreshing and
wonderful. The tools I used to combat the silence and adjust my
habits to fit another person still serve me every
single day in the relationships I have in all areas of
my life. They are incredibly simple tactics, and they probably
aren't the ones you'd expect. 1. Hold on tight This may be hard to believe, but much of what I
achieved was by getting cuddly. Studies actually show that physical contact slows
down our heart rate. That includes holding a person's hand, giving a warm
hug, or a hand on the shoulder. Through physical
touch, our bodies interpret that there is a meaningful
connection around us, and our heart responds by
slowing its rhythm a bit. When I felt extremely upset or emotional, unable to
communicate exactly what I felt was missing in our
new home, I held my husband's hand, and the results
were uncanny. I almost instantly felt more calm and
closer to peace. 2. Watch anger dissipate We've all experienced anger in our lives — sometimes it happens every day! It's a natural
human reaction. But have you ever noticed that you
are never usually angry with someone who is
touching you at a certain moment? I've tried this, and
getting angry while hugging someone just doesn't
feel right. In my personal relationships, I have learned to take
matters into my own hands. If an argument is
escalating to a place I don't feel comfortable with, I
offer a hug. The anger gurgling up inside almost always starts to
dissipate, and the conversation usually takes a turn
for the productive, instead of the destructive. 3. Create connection Physical touch goes one step further than just
calming our anger and slowing our heart rates. It
also readies our minds and bodies for connection.
When someone touches us on the shoulder, for
example, it sparks our attention in a way that is non-
intrusive. It is welcoming, instead. A few months ago, I remember feeling so stressed and worried, that it only took my husband's hand on my shoulder to break the floodgates and have tears
start flowing down my face. I was tense and uptight,
holding tears back with gumption, but physical touch
signaled that being vulnerable is okay. Our connection strengthened, and my tears flowed
like a river. Each and every day that we navigate personal
relationships, work relationships, and romantic
relationships, physical touch is a tool that we very
rarely use to create connection and an atmosphere
of peace. Since I learned how to leverage physical touch to
help my relationships grow, I feel more calm within
myself and more connected to those around me. I’d love to hear from you Is there something about your personal relationships
you want to hack? Could giving a friend a high-five or holding your
partner’s hand do the trick? Are you fearful of hacking your relationships? What
concerns you? Leave your stories and ideas in the comments!