The WRONG and RIGHT Questions of How to Be Happy

Many people spend their entire lives searching for
the answer to happiness. Everyone wants to know
how to be happy and yet you probably don’t know
many people who actually are. It is easy to buy into the idea that there are a lot of
happy people just running around. Then you tell
yourself that’s who you need to be too! There has to
be a secret. Why am I not happy but X and Y are?
What do they have that I don’t? This makes you go on a wild chase for happiness.
You want to learn how to be happy, but something is
missing… It’s because you’re asking yourself the WRONG
questions. Below, you will find both the wrong questions that you are asking, followed by the right
questions you should ask. You’re wondering: “What can I buy to make myself happy?” So you go and buy all these things. Woohoo! I
figured it out! Now I’m happy because I bought the
new (noun) that comes with a(n) (adjective) (noun)! Then a month passes and you’re back to where you
were. You got used to whatever purchase you just
made and hedonic adaptation hits you hard. Unfortunately, my mom is exactly like this. She
makes a great amount of money and she quickly
spends it on so many things. A lot of the things she
buys never even gets touched after leaving the
shopping bag. For her, happiness is about filling the void by
constantly buying, only to return to the previous state
of dissatisfaction. Buying things only makes you happy for a short
period of time and you eventually get used to
what you had. Then you move on to your next desire. It’s often repeated over and over now that “money
doesn’t buy you happiness.” In fact, it’s incredibly
cliché. Stoicism has a very solid explanation for this dilemma and their answer is to eliminate this cycle of
desires by focusing on “wanting what you already
have.” What you should be asking: “What do I already have that enhances my
enjoyment of life?” This is where you focus and practice gratitude. Try
this. Vividly imagine your life without a cell phone.
How are you going to keep in touch with your
friends? How will you check your emails while you’re
out and about? How are you going to read Self
Stairway with convenience? Now jump back to reality and realize you have an
amazing tool. You’ve got a cell phone that allows you
to keep in touch with others with great ease, check
your emails whenever you please, and read an
awesome site whenever you need! Life is truly
wonderful isn’t it? Without a cell phone, you would have had to jump
through many hoops just to talk to another person
who isn’t with you at the moment. You also would
have to borrow someone’s computer to check your
email and your favorite sites. When you practice this enough, you’ll realize
that you have so many amazing things. Will a new t-shirt make you any happier? Or will the
56 t-shirts you have in your closet right now be
enough? Is buying the next iPhone going to make you
cherish today’s technological wonders? I think your
current model of whatever phone you have will
suffice. Because remember, after buying that new (noun), you’re only going to end up wanting something better in the future. This cycle of desire never stops until you make the conscious effort into
ending it. This level of gratitude is what Stoics practice on a daily basis. You’re wondering: “Who do I need in my life to make me happy?” Do you ever get that feeling that
the people who surround you now
aren’t quite good enough? You
want more friends and you ask
yourself who would make you
happy. I actually thought this way through a lot of high
school. Who do I need to befriend before I’m happy?
What was the magic number in real life and the
amount I needed on Facebook? It’s easy to think that the answer to happiness is
more, more, more. Of course, that is not the case
when it comes to happiness and friendships. No
number of friends is the golden answer. Instead… What you should be asking: “Who brings me down and who raises me up?” This is where you have to be brutally honest with
yourself. Who are the ones that drag you down and really ruins your contentment? These are the people who are constantly negative or
critical of everything you do. Being around them is
normal to you because you’ve grown used to it. But
there is always that feeling where you know you
shouldn’t be around them. When someone is draining, you have to strategically cut him or her out of your life. As harsh as it sounds, it has to happen otherwise you’ll be stuck in
a toxic friendship that doesn’t serve any purpose but to harm you. Once you accomplish the task of removing the toxic
influences, you can move on to surround yourself
with people who only make you better and encourage you to grow as a person. Surround yourself with mentors and people who truly
inspire you. People who encourage you to grow will do wonders
for your self-esteem and happiness. Don’t let these
people go. You’re wondering: “How do I make this person like me?” You’re so close to happiness and you can almost feel
it! All it takes is validation from this one person and
you’re going to be happy! You begin to chase the validation of this one person
or even multiple people because you think that if
they like you, you’ll finally achieve your ultimate goal
in life. So then you go out of your way to impress this
person. You begin to act less like yourself and
eventually you forget how to be yourself. I know the feeling. This is actually the question that
I’m still struggling with. I’m somewhere between
internalizing the right question and removing the
wrong one. However, asking the right question is
leading to wonderful results for myself because I’m
caring much less about what others think. I’m asking myself… What you should be asking: “How do I like myself?” Stop seeking the approval of others. You shouldn’t be
living life to impress others because you’re never
going to find yourself content with who you are. Think of how insane it is to live like that! No,
seriously. Think about it. It’s very easy to be in that
bubble where your goal is to impress others, but it’s
difficult to see how ridiculously detrimental that is to
your own mental health. I’ve come to realize people don’t really spend that
much time worrying about you because they’re the
protagonist of their own story. Everyone else is busy trying to make others like them too. Here’s what you really need to internalize. You have to like yourself before you can expect the world
to like you. When you’re truly happy with who you are, people
will naturally gravitate towards you. Sounds cheesy?
It’s true. However, there is a bit of a contingency to
this. Sometimes it’s not enough to be yourself then call it
a day. You actually have to work on improving your flaws. No, this does NOT mean be fake. This means focus on the attributes that are less than
ideal. If you don’t listen enough and are always fighting for
talk time, practice active listening. If you are never punctual then practice being on time. If you
constantly complain then stop complaining. The list
goes on. Learn from the people in your life that you’re
captivated by. Figure out what makes them so
enchanting because you can work towards that. Just
keep self-reflecting as you go along each day. You’re
going to get rid of so many flaws that one year from
now, your constant self-reflection will pay off in dividends. If you want to learn how to be happy, stop asking all
the wrong questions. Begin to ask the right questions
and work towards happiness the right way. If you enjoyed this article, please share it with your
friends using the buttons below. I’m sure they all
want to learn how to be happy too!