Lonely or Insecure? 10 Secrets to Feeling Better About Yourself

Have you ever had a day where you just felt absolutely miserable, alone, and insecure? Of course you have. If you said “No,” you’re a dirty liar. I’m on to you. Everyone has these days and often times, it leads to us feeling insecure about ourselves. Then we feel like there’s no one around who cares. These negative thoughts just keep adding up more and more. Crap, now it’s like a beehive in your head and it’s only getting worse. I used to be terribly insecure and certain days were worse than others. Hell, I still am. But who cares? I don’t let my insecurity control my actions for more than a split second. I still remember one day during a party in my friend’s backyard, we were talking about teeth for some reason. Maybe one of us just got braces for the first time. Who knows? Then I had made a comment about how I needed braces too. Naturally, my friend asked me to show my teeth and I wouldn’t show them. “Oooh… Insecure!” he said. That made me feel terrible because I realized he was right. I was insecure and when I was reminded of these feelings, it would drag me down for the rest of the day. Well, not anymore. The good news is that I will now share my pick-me-up tricks with you, oh lucky reader. All with an easy payment of $29.95! Actually, I like you so much I’ll give them to you all for free! Here are my secrets on how to feel better about yourself. Warning: This isn’t the usual cliché list you find on most other sites. No “put on a fake smile until you feel better!” preaches. 1. Analyze and change your perspectives Maybe you are asking the wrong questions and this is what makes you feel terrible about yourself. For example, I know plenty of people who are true believers of the idea of “The One.” Then the burning question they keep asking themselves is “How do I find ‘The One?’” Wondering how to find “The One” limits your options and gives you the expectation of the perfect being out there just waiting for you. A lot of people may disagree with me, but from pure probability it is unlikely that there is only one individual out of over 7 billion that is just right for you. In this situation, you would realize that you are limiting your expectations to a set of criteria that are impossible to meet. Is that fair to you or anyone else? Sometimes all it takes is a shift in perspective. Try to identify any of these wrong questions that you’ve been asking all this time. 2. Figure out the flaws that are in your control then FIX them This does not mean you forget how to be yourself . It means you self-analyze and figure out what are your worst qualities that within your control, yet don’t require you to be fake. What? That doesn’t make sense, Vincent! You’re telling me to CHANGE and you’re telling me to be myself. Look, you’re reading this website for a reason. It is because you want to become a better person. That could mean becoming a nicer person or by making yourself happier through changing factors within your control. I’ll give you an example from my own life. I used to have a terrible fashion sense. One day, I realized clothes are pretty awesome! So then I looked at different stores with the intent of expanding my appreciation for clothes. This used to be a world that I completely ignored, but now it’s one of my favorites. Guess what? Now I dress better, I feel better, and people like it. Most importantly, I like it. I’m still me, silly, goofy me. Except now I dress better. Want to learn how to feel better about yourself? Figure out what you can consciously change in strides. 3. Take a walk I’ve covered the benefits of walking and my personal stories before, but have you done it yet? Have you really taken the time out of your day or night to get outdoors and walk with the simple intent to enjoy the very act of walking? In case you forgot, here are the quick benefits of walking for the sake of walking: It helps you stay in the moment. Allow you to slow down and breathe. Keeps you sane. Our minds are bastards sometimes. They’re so quick to make self-judgments and then we go crazy because we can’t escape the negativity. Then that’s when those feelings of insecurity and loneliness kick in. Grab a friend or two (or go yourself) and take the time to take a walk. This is one method to learning how to feel better as you take in the scenery and enjoy the moment. 4. Get active, play sports, get outside, and socialize This one’s obvious, right? If it is, then why aren’t you active and socializing? It’s easy to tell ourselves we don’t know enough people, we never have fun, or we don’t have people in our lives that share the same interests as us. Here’s the thing, opportunities to meet people don’t just fall on your lap through convenience of inaction. You have to go pursue some sort of interests that pushes you into an environment where you can get active AND meet people. Pick up tango dancing, tennis, or go to a karaoke bar. They’re all very social events and you can’t help but meet someone interesting. 5. Start a blog Ha! Bet you didn’t see this one coming. I’m telling you to start your own blog! Now isn’t the time to invent excuses for yourself and say that you’re not much of a writer. That’s bull. Everyone has a voice and opinions. Get your opinions out there. You don’t even have to publicly post anything. Just create one on a free website like WordPress.com or Blogger and set it on private. Look, Self Stairway is for the world to digest and improve themselves with, but it’s for me too. It feels great to be able to write something because when I’m feeling crappy because I know I can always get my thoughts into writing. Vent, cry, laugh, or all of the above. Your blog can be there to hear it all. When you’re feeling risky enough, publish it . 6. Sing at the top of your lungs like no one can hear you I do this all the freaking time! Home alone? Singing. Driving to school? Singing. Showering? Singing! Find the time to sing as loud as you want. Blast your favorite music (something upbeat, nothing sad) and go crazy. If you’re feeling really dangerous, refer back to point 1 and take a walk in the park or somewhere you know there’s going to be people walking by on occasion. Sing quietly to yourself but just loud enough that others can hear you and smile at your carefree spirit. Guess what? They’re going to smile and wonder what’s got you in such a great mood. Unless they are jerks. Then they’ll make fun of you in their head. But who cares what jerks think? 7. Bring a laptop or a book to Starbucks (or any other coffee place) It’s been a while since I’ve talked about the benefits of Starbucks . Things suck when you’re in the house a lot and I personally cannot work from home for long. I go insane. That is why I have three locations that spur productivity because I love changing it up. I have my home, my collaborative workspace office, and Starbucks. Sometimes I get these feelings that just make me sad for no reason. Seriously! I could be having a great day, get started on work, then I’m just feeling terrible about myself for no reason. No, it’s not because I hate my work. I freaking LOVE my work! It’s just a sign that I need to change it up. Maybe you’re someone who often works alone or (if you’re honest) don’t get out too often. That’s fine! Get yourself out of the old environment and into a coffee shop where you can be around others. You can keep yourself occupied and even strike up conversation on occasion. That is the answer to how you can get a social life . Trust me, people are very receptive to talking to others. That brings me to my next point… 8. Talk to a stranger People are fascinating. During my first semester of college, I made it a goal to talk to at least five different people a day. You would think that people would be completely turned off by a complete stranger approaching them, but you’d be wrong. It’s not just the college environment that worked in my favor. I practiced this everywhere I went and you know what I learned? People love talking, especially about themselves. Guess what? You feel great when you talk to others too. You’re helping yourself feel better while adding a bit of spontaneity to a stranger’s day. Introduce yourself to at least one person a day and make a judgment call on whether or not you’re going to continue the conversation. Ask them “What is your life story?” Sometimes people are caught off guard by this but it leads to VERY interesting conversations. By the way, the people who say “I’m not that interesting,” or anything along those lines are usually the ones with the best stories. Remember to practice active listening as you engage in conversation. Don’t worry if it’s awkward for you at first. The more you try this, the better you’ll get. 9. Strip naked, emotionally Ha, got you there for a second. You thought this was going to be naughty, right? Well, you’re either disappointed or relieved. I don’t think anyone is truly alone because there’s at least one person you can talk to. Find someone who is willing to listen to you rant and pour everything out if they’re okay with listening. A trusted friend, a stranger who notices you frowning, your life partner. Sometimes you just need to vent to a real human being and keeping it in a privated blog isn’t going to cut it. 10. Stop reading and start taking action Here is my biggest secret. I don’t read often, but what I do read I internalize and learn from. Many of my friends tell me they read tons of material and they’re hyped up to start taking action then… Nothing. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that just because you’re reading means it’s helping. No, that’s nonsense. What does work is reading the material then actually doing it. I can’t promise you that you need all 9 secrets up there, but at least implement one two, eight, or even all of them. But I beg you don’t read, feel good for a short while, then procrastinate. That’s not how you feel better about yourself. So quit reading about feeling better and start doing it. Question: What are some of your secrets you’d like to share with people learning how to feel better?